Zenfull Heart | September 8, 2026
Stop being so damn hard on yourself. That is the lesson I have been learning over and over, I am giving myself grace and pushing myself onward at the same time is a balancing act I have not mastered yet.
Today something came into my field that knocked me down. I did what I have been practicing for the last year or two, I went and laid down to regulate my nervous system, put the meditation music on and tried to settle. It did not work. My mind was all noise, replaying what happened, asking what was in my energy field, what I could do to fix it. Then somewhere in the middle of that noise I realized I had been without groceries for several days, and that is when the whole thing tipped. I was back in the low, back in the depression mindset, anxious about my worth and about this energy work and whether I am good enough to do any of it. I was already picturing the apartment with five roommates because that is what I would be able to afford, and going back to work at the grocery store.
Come sit with me for a few minutes.
My throat and my chest were pulsing with it, that feeling of wanting to get something out and not being able to. And then the dots started connecting. For most of my last relationship, grocery shopping was a relief because it got me out of the house, and it was also a place where a forgotten item or a lost list could turn into something catastrophic when I got home. Not always, but my body still remembers that. So today I noticed I was very slow. I went up and down just about every aisle at both stores, picking the sale items at one and the discounted things at the other, and letting myself have the better bread and a few of the nicer items I actually wanted.
Then I walked back through the door of the house I am pet sitting and the anxiousness hit full force.
I do not believe any of this. I need to drop everything. I am a fake, I am a fraud, I have no idea what I am doing, and who am I to think I can keep going with my business and my hug movement. I know why this is coming up. I am learning to regulate my nervous system, I am training to be a practitioner in an energy healing modality, and I know that it is real and it is the truth. Then I have these tilts where I am convinced I am not gifted and I am not capable, and all of this should stuff comes vomiting up at me. I should have done that. I should do this. And every bit of it is my own. Nobody is standing there telling me what I need to do.
I honestly do not know if some of it is just being back in the United States, or being back in Florida. I think there is childhood trauma in and around Florida that my conscious mind does not have access to. When I went to the Dr Joe Dispenza retreat in Marco Island last year I was shaking out of my body all week. My body did not want to cooperate, and my energy kept telling me I was safer when I was not present inside it. That feeling stayed with me for the rest of my time in Florida. I had planned to fly to Mexico on the first of September and I postponed it, get up, let's go. That one decision to get on that plane changed the trajectory of where I am. I met my friends in Mexico. I had a Costa Rica retreat to go to with one of them, and I knew energetically and logically that if I did not get to Mexico I would not bother going to Costa Rica. Both of those experiences changed my life.
I still do not understand most of what I am doing. But I know I am a healer. I know I have healed myself and I know I give a lot to this world. My nervous system just needs rest, and I have not been sleeping, I have not been out in nature the way I normally am, and I have been hunkered down in this house because safety has always been a radical issue for me. It was only in the last two years that I understood I had been unsafe for a great deal of my life. I am a life coach. I can hold this for my clients and sometimes I cannot hold it for myself, which is why I respect the hell out of my healers and my friends who understand this work and keep changing my perspective when I cannot.
So here is what I did with today. I got up and out of bed, and I am proud of that alone. I did a big shop at two stores so I can prep and freeze meals, because I love eating and I do not love cooking. And I walked around those stores trying to be who I authentically want to be when I am out giving hugs, with a big smile on my face, and almost nobody smiled back. One woman looked directly at me and there was nothing. That has not been my life for the past year in Mexico and around my close friends. Here I was standing inside an energy of heaviness, people who felt stuck and lost, at the store to get another meal to survive another day and get it over with.
It gave me a lot to sit with, and it gave me my answer. I know I am good enough to keep going on this path because I am all about kindness, authenticity and human connection, and this is exactly where it is needed. If you smile and open up your energy field, you can be the love of your own life, and you can find joy and peace inside the chaos you have right now. That is who I want to be, and it is why I keep making these videos even when I mean to talk for two minutes and go on for eight.
Adios for now.
With love,
Zenfull Heart
Soul Messages by Sherry
